3.5 Answering Your Questions: “But I felt better when I was smaller”
Summary
On this episode of The Joyful Movement Show, we’re going to dive into a topic that I hear quite often: the myth that you feel better when you are smaller. We’ve talked about this before in previous episodes, but I think it’s worth digging into again because it’s a common belief that can keep us stuck in the quest for weight loss.
Now, I’m all about simplifying wellness and trusting yourself to make good decisions for your body. We’ve talked about how you don’t need to lose weight to be healthier, fitter, or more valuable. However, I still hear from people who say they felt better when they were in a smaller body. So let’s explore that.
“Feeling Better” – What Does it Mean to You?
Feeling better can mean different things to different people. For some, it’s a physical feeling of strength, energy, and less stress. For others, it’s feeling more comfortable in their clothes and more confident in themselves. Whatever it means to you, it’s this thought that “I felt better in a smaller body” that keeps people on the quest for weight loss.
But here’s the thing: if you’re in my world, you know that dieting or extreme exercise doesn’t work in the long run. You’ve been there, done that, and you’re looking for a gentler approach. Maybe you’ve tried some so-called healthy lifestyles that worked temporarily, but you found they weren’t sustainable.
So here’s where I want you to go a little deeper. Did you really feel as great as you said you did? If you felt that confident, healthy, and full of energy, why did you stop? Or is it possible that the good feelings your eating and exercise habits provided weren’t worth the trade off?
We tend to see the past through rose-colored glasses and forget about the struggle and the pain. Were you really 100% confident in your body, or were you always wondering what people were thinking when they looked at you? Did you really feel that great about how you were eating and exercising, or were you maybe a little bit bored, obsessed, or jealous about how others were eating around you?
And did you really feel that healthy, or was there also some exhaustion, constant hunger or struggling with motivation? What else was going on that you’re not seeing now as you look back on the past? In other words, were you really that healthy, happy, and confident, or was it more like “I felt better, but it was a lot of work, draining, and required so much willpower?”
It’s important to question these beliefs and dig deeper into what we really want for our bodies and our lives.
The Reason You Fear Weight Gain
Do you ever feel like your confidence and self-esteem are directly linked to your body size? Maybe you’ve lost weight before and felt better because of it. But have you ever stopped to wonder why that is? It’s not necessarily because of your smaller body, but rather because of the health-promoting behaviors you were participating in. Chances are, you could have achieved the same physical result without weight loss.
What’s contributing to not feeling good in your larger body is less about how you’re feeling physically and more about how you’re treating yourself through your self-talk when you gain the weight back.
If your body doesn’t conform to societal standards, it’s likely that you beat yourself up, blame yourself for your lack of willpower and discipline, and make yourself the problem. However, this self-talk is not helpful, and it only adds to your own oppression every time you’re in a situation where you feel insecure or like you don’t belong.
We live in a world that praises thinness and weight loss. And though it’s not always said out loud, the opposite messaging is also received. If you gain weight or exist in a larger body, there’s a justified fear of what people think about you. If people say that you’re so attractive when you’re thin, what does it mean about you if you’re not? If people praise your dedication and hard work when you’re going to the gym and then you’re fitter and in shape, what does it mean about you if you’re not doing those things? The messaging is reinforced every time we compliment weight loss, or praise someone’s thin, fit body.
This creates internalized fat phobia, which is the fear in ourselves of gaining weight or becoming fat, or being fat. We experience how we are treated when we’re in a smaller body, and we also see in the world that we live in how folks in larger bodies are treated. We develop the belief that being thinner is better, being larger is wrong, and so we feel better in a smaller body that conforms and is more acceptable in our society.
Whether you’ve been insulted or criticized because of your body or weight or not, I’m sure at some point in your life you have been praised for weight loss. The way the world is set up and the messages we internalize IS a problem. But your BODY is not the problem.
You can feel angry, sad, and upset about the situation… AND you don’t have to blame your body and yourself.
Confidence Is An Inside Job
Let’s talk about confidence. I believe that feeling comfortable and confident in a smaller body is not true confidence, but the safety of conformity. Feeling validated, approved, and fitting in when your body is smaller gives a sense of safety that feels good. This connection to others is part of our human survival. We are wired to want to belong, so when people praise us and tell us we look good, it feels safe, but it is not confidence.
True confidence is knowing that we are valuable, worthy, and enough no matter what.
Confidence is not the same as cockiness or having everything figured out. It’s more like bravery. Being brave doesn’t mean that you never feel afraid. Similarly, confidence is feeling insecurity and self-doubt but choosing to have your back anyways. It means having your own back, knowing that you’re enough no matter what.
The way to create confidence is to create your own safety. Instead of trying to force yourself to be someone else or something else, you need to give yourself the approval and validation you seek from others. You need to build up your belief that who you are is enough, that you are worthy, lovable, and capable just because you exist.
It’s true that our world isn’t made for people of size, and this can be confronting. However, it’s important to remember that the problem is the circumstance, not you. You can face these challenges with your head held high, knowing that you have your own back. It’s not an easy switch to flick; as humans, we have a tendency to take responsibility for things that are not our fault. It’s important to remember that you can feel uncomfortable or upset without making it mean that you are at fault.
Rather than putting your energy into “fixing yourself” to create the feeling of safety, instead direct your energy into building up your self-belief, and giving yourself unconditional compassion and support. That is where you’ll find confidence at any size.
In conclusion, if you’re feeling stuck and struggling to break through limiting beliefs that are holding you back, remember that you don’t have to go it alone.
Whether you choose to do the work yourself or seek support through coaching, there are resources available to help you along the way. And if you’re in need of that support, don’t hesitate to reach out.
As mentioned earlier, I’m here to help and will have your back until you learn to have your own. Through a discovery call, I can help you uncover what’s holding you back and show you the path forward. So take that first step and reach out – I’ll be cheering you on every step of the way.
Mentioned in the show:
Simplified Wellness Weekend Retreat: June 2-4, where we’ll work together to create a lifestyle that works for YOU, so you can feel great in AND about your body.
During this 3 day virtual retreat, you’ll learn how to define health on your terms, set health goals that matter to you and create habits that actually stick.
Priced at just $97, my goal is that you never pay for another wellness plan or program again – this retreat will equip you to trust yourself to be the expert of your body.
About the Host
Kim Hagle (she/her) is Certified Personal Trainer, Registered Holistic Nutritionist, Body Image Coach and founder of Radiant Vitality Wellness.
Through mindset and movement coaching she helps women heal their relationship with food and exercise while disconnecting their worth from their weight, so they can feel healthy, happy and confident in the body they have.
New to the Show? Download our FREE podcast roadmap to find the best episodes to start with on each of our main topics (joyful movement, motivation, body image and intuitive eating).
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Let’s stay in touch!
Kim is on Instagram and Facebook @radiantvitalitywellness.
Disclaimer.
The information contained in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice. Always consult a health care professional about your unique needs.
