EP 82 – You don’t have to love your body to love yourself – Angela’s Story
On this episode, we’re joined by Angela a participant in the Right Body for Me coaching program.
Angela is a successful, intelligent, accomplished woman, with a happy marriage and beautiful daughter. Her life “looks great on paper” and yet like many women, she always felt like an imposter; unworthy of the love, acceptance and success she experienced because she was unhappy with her weight and appearance.
Though Angela spent years controlling her weight through dieting and exercise, and did experience weight loss at times, she never found that self-acceptance and contentment she was looking for. There was always a bigger goal or more weight to lose. And when “life happened”, and she was unable to maintain the level of control required to keep the weight off, she’d blame herself and feel guilty and ashamed for letting herself go.
Inside Angela shares her story of how she was able to find the food freedom and self confidence and acceptance she was looking for – and to accept the love that was around her – EVEN though she still doesn’t love her body. And how in doing so she’s been able to experience MORE success in her career, MORE connection with her family, and MORE self care.
Mentioned in the show:
Right Body for Me – my 6 month coaching container for women who want to end the cycle of restriction and punitive exercise and find food freedom, joyful movement and confidence in their own skin.
Doors are now open for enrollment. Learn more about Right Body for Me on our website www.radiantvitality.ca/rightbodyforme
Or book a discovery call at https://app.squarespacescheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=23808721&appointmentType=25631301
About the Host—Kim Hagle (she/her) is Certified Personal Trainer, Registered Holistic Nutritionist, Body Image Coach and founder of Radiant Vitality Wellness. Through her signature coaching program, “Right Body for Me”, she helps women heal their relationship with food and exercise while disconnecting their worth from their weight, so they can feel healthy, happy and confident in the body they have.
Want to feel good in your body without focusing on weight? Register for our free 5 day mini training course. -You’ll receive one short video and worksheet each day for 5 days that will help get started with the non-diet approach and feeling better in your NOW body! www.radiantvitality.ca/freetraining
Ready to take the next step? Visit our website to learn more about our coaching programs www.radiantvitality.ca/programs
For health professionals looking to adopt the non-diet approach in your business, visit Kim’s mentor, Stephanie Dodier’s site for free resources to get started. https://www.stephaniedodier.com
Let’s stay in touch! Kim is on Instagram and Facebook @radiantvitalitywellness.
Disclaimer. The information contained in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice. Always consult a health care professional about your unique needs.
[00:00:00] Hey there, friend. And welcome back to the joyful movement show. I’m your host, Kim Hagle certified personal trainer, intuitive eating. Eating and body image coach. And this is episode 82 and. We’re joined today by Angela, who is a participant in my right body for me coaching program, which. Which, by the way before we get into the interview, I just want to remind you that.
[00:00:21] Doors are open currently for enrollment into this coaching program until June 30th. So right body for me is my six month coaching container for women. And who want to end the cycle of restriction and punitive exercise to find food freedom, joyful movement, and confidence in their own skin. And I’ve currently got openings for six women who want to do this work. I won’t be enrolling anyone over the summer months as I’m going to be taking a little bit of a summer slowdown.
[00:00:50] Meaning I’ll still be working with the clients that I have, but leaving lots of space for fun and family time.
[00:00:56] And on that note, I also just want to mention that I’ll be probably just sporadically producing podcast episodes over the summer. So if there’s something that I feel really inspired to share, I might surprise you with the odd episode, .
[00:01:09] But as part of my slow down, I’ll be doing less content creation and marketing over july and August. not to worry though. I will rerun some of the most popular episodes. So you can get caught up on what you might’ve missed over those summer months.
[00:01:21] Okay, so let’s get on with the show. This is a really great interview. I. I’ve really enjoyed working with Angela and watching her move through some big struggles in her life. I’ve known Angela for a long time because we live in a small community. So everyone kind of knows everyone. But it’s just kind of goes to show that you never really know what someone’s struggling with until you really dig in.
[00:01:45] Angela is a successful, intelligent, accomplished woman with a happy marriage and a beautiful daughter. You might say her life looks great on paper. But what I didn’t know was how much she struggled with yo-yo dieting, weight cycling and her self worth as a result of what she thought her weight meant about her.
[00:02:06] When Angela reached out to me back in January, she had just experienced a big loss in her life, which she’ll tell you about. And it was actually the fourth loss she’d experienced in about a two year timeframe. And lots of other big things were going on in her life too. Like just lots of stuff. Life was happening as they say.
[00:02:25] So Angela called me initially feeling really down on herself that she’d gained some weight and felt like she’d really let herself go. And that during this time of stress, she’d put herself and her eating and her exercise at the bottom of the priority list. And she felt as if she just lost all control.
[00:02:44] So she was feeling really conflicted. Like she wasn’t happy with her body and she felt out of control around food and unmotivated to exercise. But she also wanted to move past the cycle of yo-yo dieting and body hatred that she felt. She heard me say something in a webinar that I taught about, you know, what if you knew you were enough and you didn’t have to obsess about diets and hardcore exercise? Like what if you could see yourself the way that those who love you do. And that sparked something in her and that’s what we’ve been working on. And I don’t want to give the whole interview away, but you’ll see how doing this work on herself image and claiming her innate worthiness has not only completely transformed her relationship with food and exercise, but also has spilled over into all the other areas of her life, like work and family. And I think the most important takeaway Angela shares here is that you don’t have to love your body to love yourself or to feel worthy of love.
[00:03:45] It’s still possible to have thoughts that your body isn’t ideal, and to decide to treat yourself with kindness and respect, no matter what, and to not let those thoughts hold you back in life. And that’s where the magic happens. So. I don’t want to give it all away. Let’s just jump on into the interview.
[00:04:06] Kim: Well, Hey Angela, welcome to the joyful movement show. I am so excited to have you on today as a guest.
[00:04:12] Angela: Oh, thanks for having me. Um, I’m happy to be here.
[00:04:16] Kim: Well, it’s my pleasure. So I know we’re going to have a great conversation about your experience working through coaching together, but before we get into all of the good stuff, why don’t you just get us started by telling us a little bit about yourself and what things were like in your life before we started working together?
[00:04:33] Angela: Uh, sure. So I’m, I’m almost 54. I, um, I think I’m, uh, I’m pretty successful in my career, my family, my relationships. I have a daughter that I adopted as a single mom, uh, about 13 years ago. And that’s been just a blessing, a wonderful experience. And I did marry a little later in life. Um, I met my husband about, uh, Eight years ago, and we’re just celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary.
[00:05:05] I, um, I am successful in my career university graduate. I believe the first university graduate on either side of my family. Um, but all my, all of my life, I have been, uh, air quotes, the big girl, I have not been active in sports. Um, as a, as a younger person, I did, um, you know, realize the health, uh, the health challenges that I was maybe facing.
[00:05:37] Um, And, and started to be more active later in life after I finished university and, um, sort of, you know, felt some really good confidence boosters from that, um, you know, struggled with, um, embarrassment, um, uh, you know, just getting that motivation that the almost shame of going into that first, uh, aerobics class or whatever it was, but, um, I am pretty determined when I make up my mind.
[00:06:08] So I sort of white knuckled through a lot of that stuff. And, uh, you know, lost some weight, became a more, I guess, a socially acceptable size and, and got some good feedback from society because of that. Um, and then, um, I guess just over the past year or two years, I lost both of my parents in law and I lost both of my parents and, uh, life just happened.
[00:06:43] My husband went back to school, my daughter’s busy and I sort of fell to the bottom of priority list, um, quite happily, quite willingly, but, um, didn’t have the time for, for everything I needed to do, if I was maintaining that. And then found myself sort of, especially, um, in the last part of 2021, you know, having come through COVID and then was facing the loss of my mother, just sort of spiraled out of control, I would say, and, um, needed to do something for my mental health and my physical health.
[00:07:24] And I guess that’s where. Where I landed a few months ago.
[00:07:31] Kim: And when you say wanting to do something for your physical and mental health, what did you, what did you have in mind at the time? What did you think you were needing?
[00:07:41] Angela: Um, I guess I thought I needed someone that had my back, no matter what I decided, you know, I had, I had my family, I had some very close friends and of course I have my husband who, um, you know, God bless him, kept loving me no matter what I was like physically. Um, but I needed to move forward beyond where I just kept, you know, maybe dieting for a few, maybe a week, if I was lucky. Doing exercise, I stay relatively busy or relatively active, I think, but not enough to control my eating and I needed to know that that was okay. That, um, wasn’t my fault. I needed to know. Um, the things I was thinking, the things that made sense to me were okay. And no matter what I looked like,
[00:08:44] Kim: So would you say your greatest need at that time was weight loss and someone to push you with diet and exercise, uh, advice or guidance, or was there a part of you that knew that, that wasn’t going to work this time around?
[00:09:03] Angela: Yeah, there, there was, that was a big revelation for me, actually, my mother, who I always thought, really didn’t give a crap about what the world thought. She always did her own thing. Let her hair go gray from when she was 20. You know, as long as their clothes were clean and paid for it, she said she didn’t care what they look like. And then I saw her in her decline and, and she had this like sort of joyful smile when she kept losing weight.
[00:09:34] And it was so sad for me because I knew her. I knew that she didn’t really fall prey to the societal pressures. Or I didn’t think she did. And yet here she was gaining, um, pleasure in something that was harmful for her. And I, um, I guess for me, I thought, well, if I that’s what she’s going through then I’ll never be able to do this on my own.
[00:10:06] I need, I don’t want to be in that position later in life. And, and, and regretting. All the wasted time striving for some ideal, that society tells me I need. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:10:23] Kim: And I know you had said there in your introduction, how you had, you know, gone through spits and spurts of, of going to the gym or going to different programs and this and that and losing weight and gaining that validation.
[00:10:35] And was it even a thought in your mind or was there any awareness of how much of your worth, you are tying to your appearance or to your weight?
[00:10:47] Angela: I don’t, I don’t think I was aware of it, but I was definitely doing it because if you asked me, I, I would definitely tell you I’m confident and I have all these great skills and, you know, I work, I’m a leader. At school, I was successful. You know, my, my family’s a success, but then deep down inside when, you know, when the. When I was left alone in my own thoughts, um, I would always come back to the fact that if I don’t fit this ideal, I’m not worthy of all of the stuff that I’ve achieved. How could that ever have happened?
[00:11:31] How could some, I know they say they love me. I know they say they respect me, but how could they possibly do that when I don’t reflect, um, on the outside what I should.
[00:11:45] Kim: Okay. So you felt that in order to be loved and acceptable, to be valued, that your appearance had to match all of those other qualities that you possess, like there was an appearance component to feeling, to being worthy of love and acceptance.
[00:12:05] Angela: Right. Even though I, you know, intellectually, I know I’m worthy, but. You know, when you get down to your gut, I was always, I guess, not really believing it. So I had to get to a point where I accepted myself.
[00:12:21] Kim: Yeah. Yeah. And I know you talked about, you know, you had a lot of big things going on in your life over the last couple of years and how you said you very willingly put yourself at the bottom of the priority list, but what were the consequences to you in doing that?
[00:12:43] Angela: Well, I guess I lost the, um, motivation to do anything more. I was just exhausted doing stuff for other people and. When it came to doing something for myself, I, I was too tired. I had too much guilt. How can I do this when I should be, you know, doing these five other things for other people.
[00:13:04] And not that I’m, I don’t want to make myself out as a martyr, but I think I’ve felt like I needed to do that, or I would be judged for, I would be judged for putting myself, um, ahead of everybody else that I should be looking after. So, yeah. And I know, I guess one of the, one of the biggest things that I’ve learned is I can’t fix everything and I don’t even have to try.
[00:13:37] I just, I need to look after myself and of course, um, you have to support and, and help your family and friends, but they’re responsible for their own. Um, actions as well and their own goals and achievements.
[00:13:58] Kim: Yeah. A hundred percent. Right. And I mean, you’re definitely not the first woman who puts her own needs aside to take care of others.
[00:14:07] Right. We, we do this, um, and often there’s lots of ways that we like to. Seek our worth outside of ourselves, right. In our appearance is one, uh, one way, but caring for others can be another, like, we, we define ourselves by how we love on others, how we help others right. In that caregiver role. And we, we ended up giving so much of ourselves that we feel utterly depleted ourselves in like losing ourselves.
[00:14:39] And we’re kind of left wondering, like, who am I if I’m not that caregiver?
[00:14:46] Angela: Exactly. And, and when things don’t work hope perfectly. When, you know, when my daughter doesn’t make the choices, I would like her to have made or, or, or anything else. I, I, um, That’s okay. And that’s not my fault. I’ve done the best I can to support her and set our expectations.
[00:15:08] But, but she is her own person and needs to be responsible for her own actions. And it’s, it’s not a reflection on me.
[00:15:16] Kim: That’s a huge awareness, right? And I think that takes a lot of digging into your mindset, which we’re going to talk about in a second. But you know, there can be that belief that if, if our value is in pleasing others and helping others, there can be an expectation that that will be reciprocated, right?
[00:15:35] Like I have done all of this for you, and now you should reciprocate and respect me and do what I think you should do in your life and all of that. And like you say that that’s not how it always works.
[00:15:46] Angela: No, probably rarely actually,
[00:15:49] Kim: but we feel that way. And then we think that it’s a reflection on us when people choose otherwise.
[00:15:55] And then we’re left questioning ourselves again and questioning our identity.
[00:15:59] Angela: Yeah. And I think that’s something for me that I have to work on, like regularly. I don’t, I haven’t, I I’ve got the recognition that, that, you know, it’s a better way to, um, conduct my relationships, but I need to be, I need to remind myself all the time that, it’s not, uh, it’s not the best way to go, I guess. For myself or for others. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:16:34] Kim: Yeah. Now coming back to what you said about body image and not feeling worthy of love and acceptance, if you didn’t meet the societal ideal. Um, and I know that you had talked about, you know, the different ways that you had had tried to lose weight and maintain it and keep it off and, you know, riding the cycle over and over again.
[00:16:57] Angela: Yeah. So, oh, sorry. I was going to say, I’ve done almost everything out there. I’ve done everything from Aqua fit to CrossFit, to aerobics, to running, to biking. And I basically enjoyed them all, but, um, it never seemed to be the ultimate or the final answer. It worked for everything. Every one of those things would work for a while.
[00:17:29] But, um, eventually, you know, either um, I got bored of it or my friends that were going stopped going. And then, so then I didn’t get the social part of it that I liked or, or. You know, just other circumstances, but it wasn’t the final solution.
[00:17:49] Kim: Yeah. Yeah. And why do you think it wasn’t the final solution?
[00:17:52] Like why do you think it has never lasted? Long-term
[00:17:57] Angela: I guess, because I was just fixing the symptoms. The real problem was my, my image, like my own love of myself or my own self image.
[00:18:12] Kim: Yeah. If you don’t mind me, uh, sharing. I remember when we had our consultation call and you were still fixated on weight loss. And, you know, if you could just lose, if you could just find the motivation again, to get active and to get your eating, uh, air quotes under control and get the weight off that you would feel better about yourself, right?
[00:18:36] You you’d feel, um, confident and comfortable in your body and all of this. And I asked you a question. I don’t know if you remember, but I said in the past, when you’ve lost weight, have you felt that way? Have you found that confidence in self acceptance that you’re wanting here today? Do you remember what you said?
[00:18:57] Angela: Um, no, I don’t actually, I don’t think I’m, I’m sure. No, I don’t actually, I
[00:19:07] Kim: think it was something along the lines of like, well, yes, temporarily, but it never lasted, there was always a bigger goal or more weight to lose or something else to do. It was never lasting, right?
[00:19:19] Angela: Yes. That’s definite. So, um, yeah, I don’t have any more insights on that and that’s probably another area where.
[00:19:28] You know, I still want to be accepted or I want to fit that norm some on some days. And those are the days where I have to go back and check myself and look at the, I guess, the thought ladder and see, where does that get me? And that’s um,
[00:19:49] Kim: yeah. And what awareness do you have now when those thoughts come up, that I need to look different to be acceptable.
[00:19:56] What is really going on when you’re, when you’re thinking those kinds of thoughts.
[00:20:00] Angela: I guess I, what I do is I kind of remind myself that those are just thoughts and I need to get beyond them and see what, what’s a more positive way for me to deal with that. Or what if I achieve that thought then what would happen? You know, would my life be better? Would there still be something else down the road? No.
[00:20:25] Kim: And at the end of the day, who’s
[00:20:28] Angela: acceptance
[00:20:30] Kim: really matters to you.
[00:20:33] Angela: I guess me and my husband and my daughter. And then, um, beyond that, I, um, I, I need to remind myself that that’s the important things in life. Not whether I can go into the store and pick anything off the rack that fits me.
[00:20:53] Um not whether I, you know, achieve some other, um, some other, you know, physical events that people will give me that satisfaction for. If I do something, um, you know, if I do some sort of athletic thing, I’m doing it because I want to do it, I’m doing it because I want the challenge. I don’t need anyone else to pat me on the back. I’ll do that myself.
[00:21:26] Kim: Uh, I remember a, uh, an incident with you recently where you were asked to speak at a, at a meeting for professionals in your industry. Right. Um, and leading up to that, you had, broken through a lot of things in terms of your body image, and you were feeling pretty confident in who you are and like defining yourself as more than a body.
[00:21:54] And then this meeting came up and those thoughts started to return that, oh, I wish I looked a little different or I wish I looked a little better in the clothes that I have and this and that when we dug into that, was it really about how your body looked or was it something else that was triggering those thoughts?
[00:22:16] Angela: Well, I think it was some, I think it was how my body looked, but when we dug into it, I realized that that’s not important. We sort of, we, you helped me go through a whole process of looking at what, why was I even asked to do this in the first place and what did I have to bring to the, to the table?
[00:22:37] What did, what skills did I have? What experience that I have and what were the qualities. You know, certainly none of which were my physical appearance made me the best choice for that role. And, and so that really helped me, you know, our discussion. And I, I remember I made like a little inventory so that, um, You know, got anxious and, and concerned about not having the nicest fitted suit or whatever, to walk into that room.
[00:23:13] I could gather my confidence, not from how I looked, but from what I had to offer. And that was so helpful. And I, and you know, I, I, I met that challenge and it certainly didn’t help probably. That, um, it was all men that I was working with and it was all men that I respected, um, and had mostly had known for a while.
[00:23:39] And, um, so I, I had some expectations to live up to. And, but, you know, I, and I did, you know, even right up to the meeting, I kept like quickly just re glancing at. And, and w if my mind would get sidetracked, I’d go back to that inventory and just look, and then, uh, you know, it gave me the confidence, outside of whatever it was, I was wearing that day, which is kind of silly to think that that would have such an impact on my mental state, but it would have had I not prepared.
[00:24:20] Kim: Yeah. And it’s not silly. I guess what I’m getting at is that often what we think is a body image thought. And I mean, there, there’s part of that. Like, we, we do live in a society that praises thinness and certainly validates people based on their appearance.
[00:24:35] However, I think often when those thoughts come up, it’s a sign of something deeper, right? Like there’s usually another insecurity. Right? So going to speak at this meeting with a bunch of men, you know, who you respect and who are going to be evaluating you and maybe questioning if you’re the right person for the job.
[00:24:55] Right. All those insecurities are in your brain. And then the body image, thoughts are going to come as an added layer of like, should I be doing this? Like, am I good enough? It always comes down to that. “Am I good enough” voice.
[00:25:10] Angela: Right, right. Yeah. Um, actually it’s, uh, it’s interesting because, uh, that very same project that we were working on.
[00:25:20] I have another meeting coming up this Friday, so I’ve been going through the same process and trying to, trying to get my head wrapped around, um, what I want to bring to that event on Friday. Um, you know, given, given where I’m at. Yeah.
[00:25:41] Kim: And so when you’re able to, to dig into those thoughts and, and look at your, your strengths and your gifts, and like all of the things that you bring to the table, how, how does that help you? In managing the body image, thoughts? Like, are they still there or are they as loud? Like, or are they there at all?
[00:26:06] Angela: Um, I think they’re still there, but it just allows me to quiet that inner voice that, you know, that small child that just wants to be, um, like everybody else. It helps me quiet that and, and make, make me realize that that has nothing to do with the qualities that I need to tap into to make this a productive, uh, event for everyone, but they’re always there. It just helps me move beyond them, you know? Yeah, yeah.
[00:26:41] Kim: And know that they don’t have to define you. Right. Just because they’re, there doesn’t mean that you have to act on them where, you know, before I met you- those thoughts were there and you felt like you had to act on them and actively try to change your body to find that acceptance. Where now you’re seeing, you can find self-acceptance and you can find your value, even if those thoughts are nattering on in your head.
[00:27:08] Angela: Right. Right.
[00:27:11] Kim: So it’s not that we totally switch those thoughts or like just stop them or transform them. Right. They still exist. You can put, you can hold two thoughts at once and know that, Hey, I still have value. I am acceptable. I’m worthy. I’m lovable. And I still don’t a hundred percent love my body.
[00:27:30] Angela: Right, but I’m learning to, yes, as you like to say,
[00:27:35] Kim: yeah.
[00:27:36] And while I’m learning, I don’t have to, I don’t have to hold myself back.
[00:27:40] Angela: Right. Life is too short to put off to tomorrow something, you know? Um, because, because you don’t look perfect.
[00:27:51] Kim: Yeah. And really like, is, is that what we’re here to do anyways, to look perfect and be an object to be admired?
[00:27:59] Angela: Right. Boom.
[00:28:01] Absolutely not.
[00:28:03] Kim: So you’ve made some big shifts in terms of, of your body image, what other awarenesses would you say you have gained over these last six months about yourself and your relationship with food and exercise and body?
[00:28:20] Angela: Well, I think the best realizations for me is that I can’t control everything. I can’t fix everything. And by trying to control my body size and fighting against myself all of the time in terms of, “I want to have this glass of wine”.
[00:28:41] And I, ” I don’t really feel like working out today. I want to sit and read a book” -that constant battle, isn’t helping anyone. So if I just, um, take the approach, day-to-day and, listen to my body when I need a rest. When I need some, maybe more meditative or yoga activities, or I need that piece of chocolate -go for it.
[00:29:08] And don’t, you know, berrate myself and guilt myself and, you know, figure out what I’m going to do to make up for it. Just, just listen and go with it.
[00:29:20] Kim: Yeah. It’s a really good awareness. And I love how you brought up the concept of control, because I know that was a big theme when we started working together where you said, if I could just get my eating under control, then you know, I feel better in my body. But what did you notice as you tried to control food?
[00:29:41] Angela: It controlled me, I guess. It was, you know, it just takes so much time. You’ve got to measure this and did I get my protein and, um, and I just wasn’t happy.
[00:29:50] I wasn’t happy having to be structured that, um, you know, rigid and I can’t have this and I can’t talk that well, I just, um, I wasn’t willing to live my life that way.
[00:30:06] Kim: Yeah. Yeah. And I think we all come to that point in our dieting journey where you know, that structure and rigidity works for a time until life happens,
[00:30:19] Angela: exactly, right.
[00:30:20] Kim: then life happened for you in a big way. And I mean, the initial instinct is to blame yourself that you couldn’t stay in control of the eating, but.
[00:30:32] Angela: Like you say, do you, do you
[00:30:34] Kim: really want to, do you really want to live that way
[00:30:37] Angela: forever? Right.
[00:30:39] Kim: So what has, what has a more gentle and intuitive approach to food made available for you?
[00:30:48] Angela: Um, I think. More pleasure in food, enjoying the flavors enjoying the time with family. Um, because there isn’t all that anxiety leading up to it. Um, you know, when I was in a really controlled manner, I, oh my goodness, I’m going away to a conference. Oh, great. There’s going to be bread.
[00:31:13] Oh, no bread. Um, uh, so it’s just, just a more relaxed and, um, Going going with the flows. So, so there’s bread there while I, you know, maybe I’ll have a piece maybe I won’t, and, um, less, less worry.
[00:31:37] Kim: Yeah. Like you have a choice, right. Instead of food controlling you and feeling absolutely powerless in the face of food being available that you supposedly can’t have now, now it’s the choice.
[00:31:49] I remember. Uh, was it an anniversary dinner that you and your husband went to and you were so thrilled to be able to order off the menu?
[00:31:56] Angela: Yes. Yeah. It was our anniversary. And, uh, it just, um, you know, looked at all the options and had, we actually split plates because then I got to have more different flavors.
[00:32:09] Wonderful. Yeah. Just opened up, you know, before I’d be looking for the protein and veg only don’t dare look at pasta don’t dare look at whatever or something fried or, you know, the steak or whatever. But I’m just, I took the approach of just tagging what caught my eye
[00:32:32] Kim: and for comparison sake, how would previous Angela’s choices affect. Your enjoyment of the evening.
[00:32:41] Angela: Oh, it totally would have impacted it because I would have then been like, oh, geez, I wish I could have that. And I’d see his plate or I’d see someone else getting a plate. And then instead of joining, enjoying what I did have, I.
[00:32:55] Be more focused on what I didn’t have.
[00:32:59] Kim: So this time around, when you just ordered intuitively and got the things that you wanted in a, how awesome that you actually like shared plates so that you could have even more, right. How was your anniversary dinner? Like, was it more fun?
[00:33:12] Angela: Absolutely. A hundred percent.
[00:33:15] Yeah. And I was happier, you know, for the rest of the rest of the evening. I didn’t come out of supper feeling deprived.
[00:33:27] Kim: So it’s interesting that even when you were eating in a restricted way and monitoring everything very closely, was there still worry in the back of your mind?
[00:33:40] Like what is my husband thinking of me?
[00:33:43] Angela: Absolutely. Yeah. Um, and he’s, uh, he’s a wonderful cook. He does most of the cooking in our family. So then, then I was always, um, you know, I, oh, I’ve got. I don’t want him to think. I don’t like it, so I better have some more or I better finish my plate or, um, you know, because I, not only did I come from the clean your plate generation, I, I didn’t want him to think that I didn’t like something or, you know, even maybe I liked it, maybe I didn’t, but I wasn’t listening to my body saying I was full or this isn’t what I wanted today.
[00:34:19] Kim: And then the flip side of that is that if you, if you clean your plate to like, make sure he knows that you like it, and then you eat supposedly too much, then there’s all the self-talk about like, oh, absolutely.
[00:34:31] Angela: Palm of protein. No, I didn’t have enough, uh, vegetables to protein or carb ratio.
[00:34:41] Kim: So it’s kind of like a no win situation, right?
[00:34:43] Like the self-judgment like, there’s just no way out of the self judgment when you were living under that level of control. Yeah. Yeah. So now, even though the body image, thoughts still exist, Like, you’re still choosing what’s right for you in that moment, what’s going to make you feel your best, what’s going to taste good, what’s going to satisfy you. And like, I guess what I’m saying is that on either, either side of the spectrum body image, thoughts exist
[00:35:12] Angela: for me anyway. Yeah. And
[00:35:15] Kim: on this side, They exist with a whole lot more freedom, I guess is the flip side.
[00:35:20] Angela: Right. And freedom and, um, not as much judgment. Yeah.
[00:35:27] Kim: Yeah, yeah. And awareness that it’s not really about my body.
[00:35:32] Angela: Right. Exactly. Yeah. Um,
[00:35:36] Kim: what about your relationship to movement? Any awarenesses there?
[00:35:39] Angela: Um, since I’ve been, I would say more active I’ve generally enjoyed the activities that I’ve been doing. So, um, I guess the only awareness would be, you don’t always have to be doing something. Like, um, you ha you can take that day off to look after yourself and like, do the self care more and, and, and have a passive yoga as opposed to some, you know, intensive, um, I dunno, even know what kind of yoga it’s called, but like, you know, it doesn’t have to be the high and high strength, high demanding one, you get the same, your body enjoys, passive movements as much as, uh, you know, the intensive ones.
[00:36:33] So I guess that, and just the pleasure and just going for a walk with my husband or with my daughter,. And that’s okay if that’s what that, if that’s what your activity is for
[00:36:45] Kim: today, right. So you’re not plagued by the, like, that wasn’t good enough or that, yeah.
[00:36:49] Angela: Oh, I can’t go for a walk. I’d have to go work out or I have to jump on the treadmill, that kind of thing.
[00:36:56] Kim: Yeah. So you’re able to enjoy those activities and, and make it more of a family time, which is awesome because when there’s connection, we’re a lot more motivated to participate.
[00:37:06] Angela: Right.
[00:37:07] Kim: Okay. So what would you say has been the biggest win for you in, participating in one-on-one coaching?
[00:37:14] Angela: Well I think the biggest win has been the feedback. You know, the regular feedback and challenge me on, well, what, what would happen if you, you know, did a, B or C? But that kind of has been working in my brain and helping me to challenge some of those thoughts that come across my brain in the same way.
[00:37:41] So. Just so just learning how to cope with all the you know, that the negative thoughts, the, the challenges of life, that type of thing.
[00:37:56] Kim: Yeah. I mean, it’s just, it’s poking holes in those thoughts that happen automatically, right? Like, just because this thought passes through your brain, like you have 60,000 thoughts that pass through your brain in a day doesn’t mean that they’re all true.
[00:38:07] It doesn’t mean we have to attach to them. And I guess the big question is like where, where is believing that thought, getting you, is it getting you the result you want in your life? How do you want to think instead? Right. And that’s, that’s my role. Yeah.
[00:38:23] Angela: Yeah. I liked that. Poking, poking at the thoughts.
[00:38:26] That’s exactly what you did.
[00:38:29] Kim: Yeah. Cause we believe our thoughts, like their truth. It’s like this thought is in my mind that I have to lose weight to be acceptable and valuable. It must be true. Well, it’s not necessarily true, right? There’s a whole bunch of flaws in your theory, because even when you lost weight, you didn’t feel acceptable.
[00:38:46] So is that even a true thought. And what else could be true in addition? Yeah.
[00:38:52] So what’s next for you? What’s what’s, what’s coming down the pipe now that you’re wrapping up and right body for me.
[00:38:59] Angela: Um, well I think I want to make sure that I. You know, and I don’t lose the gains that I’ve made and still working on, on, um, challenging those thoughts and, and you know, more confident in my self-worth.
[00:39:18] I guess just more of the same and I can, you know, it’s like a journey, not, not a destination, I guess.
[00:39:27] Kim: And do you feel like you have the tools to continue on that journey?
[00:39:30] Angela: I think so. Yeah. And, if I’ve got the, you know, my notes and I’m journaling, I’ll just flip back and, uh, and I’ve got.
[00:39:41] It’s about some tools that when challenges come up, I’m better equipped to deal with them. I just go to my toolbox. Yeah,
[00:39:48] Kim: exactly. Awesome. Okay. Well, we’re winding down here, but is there anything else that’s pressing on your heart that you wanted to share with our listeners?
[00:39:59] Angela: Um, actually I do have one thing I, I thought, uh, when I adopted my daughter she’s, uh, was born in Ethiopia. I better learn how to run, because if I’m going to be the mother of a daughter from Ethiopia, I have to know how to run. And I look back at how ridiculous that was. She’s not a runner, first of all.
[00:40:23] And there are so many, you know, so many more important things that I need to model for her. So hopefully that this is helping me to do.
[00:40:34] Kim: It’s interesting. The things our brain latches onto, right? Like that are so important. That really that’s just evidence that not all our thoughts are true and the things that we place value on.
[00:40:48] Like it’s sometimes so misplaced.
[00:40:51] Angela: Um, when you, when you actually voiced them and hear yourself or someone else say them, you realize how ridiculous they are.
[00:40:59] Kim: Yeah. And at the end of the day, what, what does any child. Really need from their mother.
[00:41:06] Angela: Yeah. Yeah. Love and acceptance. And, and that’s, uh, certainly I hope I’ve given her that in spite, I
[00:41:16] Kim: can be sure that you have a hundred percent.
[00:41:20] Angela: well, it hasn’t been my running
[00:41:22] Kim: and you know, what, if she really needed to learn that if that was really important to her. I’m pretty sure somebody else could have taught her that if it wasn’t your thing.
[00:41:32] Yeah. Uh, well, Angela, thanks for coming on the show today. I really do appreciate you sharing your story. I know that it will resonate with our listeners. So many of your struggles, uh, I think run true for, for many. So thanks for being open and
[00:41:46] Angela: vulnerable. Thank you.