Summary
Confident decision-making can be challenging in a world that frequently encourages self-doubt and hesitation. However, envision a realm where each choice you make enhances your self-assurance instead of weakening it. Whether it’s selecting meals or making life-changing decisions, embracing a journey of self-confidence and trust in your judgment can empower and transform your life.
In our most recent podcast episode, we delve into the transformative experience of a client who triumphed over her insecurities and self-doubt. Previously ensnared by the compulsion to please others and the pursuit of perfection, she has now cultivated unwavering confidence in her choices regarding nutrition, physical activity, and the complex challenges life presents.
Societal conditioning heavily influences our decision-making process, often leading us to defer and doubt ourselves. Yet, it is possible to break free from these limiting patterns. In this exploration, we focus on practical methods to escape these patterns, primarily by nurturing self-compassion and redefining our approach to decision-making.
We explore the significance of adopting a forward-thinking perspective and mastering our thoughts to foster a feeling of security while progressing towards our objectives. By acknowledging that our present choices have a direct influence on our future selves, we emphasize the importance of aligning our decisions with our future ambitions.
The podcast episode offers a three-step plan for making confident, high-quality decisions. This plan encompasses connecting with your future self, weighing the advantages and disadvantages of each option, and aligning your decision with the desired future outcome. By seeking assistance and following these steps, individuals can successfully navigate challenges concerning body image and self-doubt.
To make a quality decision, it’s not enough to simply consider the advantages and disadvantages. You must tap into your future self, comprehending their needs and desires, and leverage that understanding to steer your present choices. Shifting from decision-making driven by fear to a future-oriented mindset can significantly revolutionize the decisions you make in life.
Seeking support and guidance when faced with decision-making challenges, especially related to body image and self-esteem, can have significant advantages. If you are in that position, book a free consultation call to discuss how 1:1 coaching can help equip you with tangible strategies for making decisions confidently.
Boosting self-confidence and navigating life’s challenges require self-trust, making informed decisions, and having self-compassion. By redefining our approach to decision-making, prioritizing our future selves, and nurturing self-compassion, we can make effective choices that validate our value and guide us towards the futures we desire.
About the Host
Kim Hagle (she/her) is Certified Personal Trainer, Registered Holistic Nutritionist, Body Image Coach and founder of Radiant Vitality Wellness.
Through mindset and movement coaching she helps women heal their relationship with food and exercise while disconnecting their worth from their weight, so they can feel healthy, happy and confident in the body they have.
Want to feel good in your body without focusing on weight? Register for our 5 day mini training course. For just $27, you’ll receive one short video and worksheet each day for 5 days that will help get started with the non-diet approach and feeling better in and about your body.
Ready to take the next step? Book a free consultation call to discuss how coaching can help you reach your goals.
Let’s stay in touch! Kim is on Instagram and Facebook @radiantvitalitywellness.
Disclaimer. The information contained in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice. Always consult a health care professional about your unique needs.
Transcript
Hello, and welcome back to the power and motion podcast.
today We’re wrapping up our five part series all about befriending your body. And today I want to talk about making a quality decision.
So what I mean by that is making a decision that you feel confident about and then seeing it through to completion without all of the What ifs and should haves – the self doubt and regret that Often comes With making a decision.
And this is relevant to the series because. Going from being a person who is dissatisfied with your body And is unhappy with the way that you’re eating and the way that you’re moving or not moving. To becoming a person who feels fully confident in their body and trusts all their decisions around food and exercise and health and self care – Requires you to make some decisions along the way, and making decisions that might be different than ones you’ve made in the past – definitely will require you to move outside of your comfort zone and might require you to seek outside support, which in itself can feel like a hard decision, especially when you have no proof that it will work or guarantee of the outcome.
And so I want to take you through the process of. How to make a good decision for yourself and how to trust that you’re making the right one. And then how to actually have your back to see it through so that you don’t end up second guessing your decision.
So let’s start this episode with an example
I was working with a client this week. And I’ve actually been coaching this client one-on-one for almost six months. She’s just about at the end of her six month package with me. And she’s made a lot of great progress. We were taking a moment to look back on. How far she’s come and reevaluate the goals that she had when she started coaching and.
And she’s made some incredible progress. She had 3 main goals. to Create a more positive relationship with food and to feel more confident in her body and in life in general.
So first we checked in around food.when I met her she had quit dieting but often had thoughts about starting up again. And I said, how confident do you feel that. You’re done with dieting and she said 10 out of 10, like it’ll, it’ll never happen again. She fully trusts herself to make healthy decisions about food and that she does not need a diet or a plan to feel Like she’s on the right track with her health. So that’s fantastic.
Then we evaluated how confident she feels about her body. She went from what she thought was about a level two on a scale of zero to 10 When we started coaching, like.- she used to be very critical of her body, allowing how she felt about her looks determine her day, and would prevent her from going out if she thought that someone might not approve of her appearnance. And now, she’d say it’s about a 6 or 7 – so a great change in just 6 months. She still has some negative body image thoughts but those thoughts don’t control her like they used to, they don’t limit her from living her life – also fantastic.
And then feeling Confident in her life in general was her final goal. When we started working together she said that it was a 1 out of 10. She was aware that low self worth and self esteem was limiting her in so many ways and was taking up way too much of her time to try to compensate for
The shame she felt about her body, She was very awar that she would try to make up for that by always making sure that she had her house perfectly clean, that when she attended a social function, she brought amazing food that she prepared from scratch that, you know, her hair and makeup was always done perfectly, always dressed to the nines.
She identified how much people pleasing and perfectionism she engaged in to try to make up for What she thought was a shortcoming about her body.She knew that she did that to hear the compliments and praise that would come along with doing those things so that she could validate that she was good enough and felt a sense of approval.
Now she feels a lot more confident in her body. And I asked her, how do you feel about your confidence in life in general, about the people pleasing and perfectionism that you engaged in? And she said, I think it’s about a five now. So she’s made significant progress in this area over the six months, but is also the area where she still feels theres work to do. Like she’s right in the middle, and not yet on the side of believing in her inherent worth and value and confident in her enoughness and that she doesn’t have to earn love and respect.
And I just want to say, that’s a very common awareness at this stage of coaching. She’s healed her relationship with food 100% (movement is also improving too although that was more of a side goal), body image has improved greatly and now she’s realizing that it’s not really about her body at all. It’s about how she views herself and how she’s been socialized to think about her value as a woman and look externally to validate her worth.
And that’s a place that all of my clients get to btw – it’s never really about your body which is why changing your body doesn’t work and even why just focusing on body image is only a partial solution – it’s really about your relationship with yourself and what you believe about your own value and worthiness as a human, which is exactly what this whole series has been about.
So that’s the area where This particular person wanted to continue to work.
So. I said, okay, then what’s the next step for you? What do you think you You need To get there. What’s the next best decision for you?
As I said, her six month coaching term is coming to an end but my clients always have the option of renewing – before I take on anyone new, they have first rights to renew.
But in making that decision, there was a lot of struggle. she started to get really confused and overwhelmed
She was saying things like. Oh, I don’t know If I have the time, I don’t know if I should Continue to spend that much money on myself. Um, I should be able to do this on my own. I mean, we’ve been coaching for six months. I should know how to do this now., it’s really hard for me to prioritize myself. Because If I do this work, it’s going to take time and energy away from my family, my work – balls are gonna get dropped. And it’s really hard for me to. Let go of stuff because you know how I feel like I have to do everything and I have to do it perfectly
In other words, she was trying to make a decision From her current self who Worries about what other people think that feels insecure. That feels like she has to impress everybody. And that feels like she has to do everything Perfect.
And believes that everybody else’s needs Come before her own.
That same version who kept her dieting for years because she didn’t believe she was worthy of showing up in the world confidently in the body she had.
So. I took her through a process of making a quality decision. And then I’m going to take you through that process today, too so that you have the tools to make decisions you’re proud of. So that when you say no to something, you say no because you know it’s not what you need or it’s not aligned with your goals, not because you don’t think you deserve it. and when you say yes, you say yes whole heartedly because it’s what you truly want, not because you feel pressure, or because you’re desperate that it will be the thing that will “fix” you.
Making a quality decision is a skill. It’s a skill that you can develop and it’s a skill that I’ll teach you how to develop today.
But one thing I want to say right off the hop is. You’re already making decisions every day. Even if you’re not making decisions.
Not making decisions, is actually making the decision to not do anything, to stay stuck, To stay in confusion, to stay overwhelmed to keep feeling the way that you’re feeling, to keep letting life run you and deciding not do anything about it.
I don’t say that to be harsh cuz trust me. I have been that person for the majority of my life. I used to defer decisions on just about everything for As long as I can remember.
Let’s friends would ask what do you want to do this weekend. I’m like, I would always say it doesn’t matter to me, whatever you want to do. What do you want for dinner, Kim? Doesn’t matter. What do you feel like? What paint color do you prefer – you decide I’m bad at this.
Even if I knew what I wanted. I would usually not voice my opinion.
What people might describe as me being an easy going person was really just me being scared to rock the boat. I didn’t want people to be mad at me.
Now, I know This is all part of our conditioning, as women too, right. We are taught to play it safe place. Small. Not be too loud, not be too outspoken. We just talked about this on last week’s episode, in fact. So we end up censoring ourself. And differing decisions to other people. Because it feels safer.
So I don’t judge myself for having been this way, and nor should you – our brains are hard wired to keep us safe. And safe equals familiar. Even if familiar isn’t really working for us – our brain works really hard to keep us from changing by creating resistance – thoughts like I can’t, I should/I shouldn’t, I have to, I need to.
So If you’ve been thinking for decades, like most of us have, I don’t like my body; my body is wrong, I need to change my body. And now all of a sudden you want to get to a place where you feel comfortable in your body, and you’re trying to make decisions to support that future reality, It feels really Uncertain to your brain. Your brain doesn’t know what to do with that so it creates all kinds of self doubt about your decisions to keep you right here.
Becoming this version of yourself that feels differently about your body and feels differently in life in general, really, really requires you to rein in your brain to manage those thoughts and redirect your thinking to stay focused On what it is that you want and the possibility that awaits you. And you need to create safety along the way by being super kind and compassionate with yourself – having your own back as I like to say.
So all that to say – there’s no judgment If you have gotten into a habit of not making decisions, it’s not your fault. However.
When, you know, better, you do better. And If you’re wanting A different result in your life. If you’re wanting to feel differently and behave differently and have a different reality than what you currently have. You can’t keep deciding to not decide. you can’t keep deferring decisions. You can’t keep thinking that Something external is miraculously gonna change and you’re gonna feel differently. You’ve got to take ownership of the reality that you want to have and accept that it’s up to you to create it, and that it’s up to you to think differently. And it’s up to you to make the decisions that Are required to move you in the direction that you want to go. But it’s a process.
It’s a process. And it’s a skill. And, and it’s gonna require you to have a different relationship with decision-making. Where you’re going to have your own back, where you’re going to support yourself As you see that decision through to completion
Because the other part of our conditioning that is so normal is to be hard on ourselves about the decisions we make, especially if our decisions turn out to be the wrong ones. We beat ourselves up, speak harshly to ourselves, we let what ifs and regret take over and we allow making a wrong decision to mean something about us – like we’re dumb or a failure or a sucker or not committed enough, not smart enough whatever. When we have a pattern of treating ourselves this way, it’s no wonder we struggle with making decisions, right?
It makes sense that you’d flip flop or feel like no decision is the right one, why you’d question and doubt yourself. And second guess and back track.Like how many times have you found yourself choosing option A over option B but then there’s struggle or somebody questions you, so you go gosh, well maybe I should have chose B. I’m going to go back and I’m going to try B now. But then B doesn’t work either so you’re back to the drawing board, and either you figure out an option c or you try a again…. or you just give up
Do you see what I mean? The reason we do this is because we’re so hard on ourselves. It’s kind of the same thing as feeling unmotivated to exercise when all you’ve ever done is used it as punishment. No wonder you’re not excited to move – no one wants to do something that feels like torture. When we beat ourselves up for making mistakes or making the wrong decision – of course it feels hard to make a quality one.
So we need to develop the habit of self compassion and being kind to ourselves even if we get it wrong , by having our back along the way.
Okay. So let’s break this process of making a quality decision down into three simple steps. And we’ll use the example of investing in a coaching program as the thing we’re trying to make a decision about.
Relating back to my client’s decision about, carrying on with coaching.
And maybe you’re in that place yourself about knowing that you want to change your relationship with your body, your relationship with food and movement, but you’re not sure how to do it yourself. So you’re considering Getting support. How do I make a quality decision about whether to pursue coaching or joining a program or taking that next step to moving towards this goal?
So the first step in the quality decision making process. Is to think like the future version of yourself. You want to make this decision as if you already were this version of yourself who has Achieved the goal that you’ve set out.
And that’s really important because otherwise. You’re going to make a decision that’s rooted in fear from this place Out of habit.
You cannot become the person you want to be by thinking like the current version or a past version of yourself who doubts, themself and worries about everybody else’s opinion
And whose brain very naturally just wants to stay where it is, wants to stay in what it knows and what is familiar. So it’s very important that you start to think like this version of yourself that you want to become.
In order to make a decision to become become a person who’s confident about their body, who feels comfortable in your body, who trust themselves around food, who likes and looks forward to moving her body? And who then hasAll of the freedoms that, that makes available in your life –
You have to think like a person who already has that. You’ve got to ask this future version of yourself to help you make this decision.
And this is where you can pull out your journal. And get clear first on who it is that you want to become. Right. Lay out the goal that it is that you want to achieve. Well, how do you want to feel, what do you want to do? What do you want to have? What do you envision your life looking like in six months to a year? Lay that all out so that you really clear on where you want to go. Who is this version of you? How is her life different? What does she have? How does she think. How does she feel?
And then ask yourself this question. How would this future version of me? Who feels comfortable in her body, who eats well, who enjoys and looks forward to movement, who knows that I’m valuable and worthy. Of having what it is that I desire. And who’s confident in my decisions. How would sheHow would she advise me In this situation?
Or what would a person who already has the life that I desire decide to do.
And then step two Is to get really practical and Make a list of pros and cons. So take your page and make a chart.at the top of your page, you’re going to Put option A and option B. Option a is say, invest in coaching. Option B is. Do it myself. And then you’re going to list out. All of the reasons why you might choose either option.
Why might I want to invest in coaching? Why might I want to do this myself? And just download everything that comes into your brain on either side, don’t filter it at this point, whether it’s quality or not quality, just list out everything. That’s in support of either decision.
Money and time doubts often come up here – I can’t afford it, I can’t spend that much on myself, I don’t have the time or can’t take the time for myself. Put those all down on your list without filtering –
And then notice what you’re writing down in each column.
Which list. Do you like better? Which list Supports who you want to become. And notice on either side of your list. Where you might’ve written down words. Like I should, I have to, I can’t I need, or I must. These are all indications that you’re trying to fix something about yourself that you don’t like. These words are clues that you’re operating from Your current or past self who doesn’t believe in you and thinks that you need to be different than who you are today. Or who doesn’t believe that you’re worthy of having what you want.
These are all fear-based words should, need to, have to, can’t, must are coming from You’re not good enough voice – that part of your brain that wants to keep you where you are. And when you make decisions from that place. That’s when you regret them. That’s when you feel bad about your choice, because they’re not supportive Or in alignment with Who you want to become. Right.
A good example of this is the goal of losing weight. The decision to maybe go on a diet or start a hardcore exercise program bevause “ I have to lose weight in order to feel good about my body. I need to lose weight to look good for this upcoming wedding. I, I should. Look different than how I look right now. So you make the decision to start a program. And then you feel like crap all the way along. You hate your life and you regret the choice and you don’t end up actually liking how you feel when you get there. So notice those words.
And then Notice the things on your list that you feel really excited about and inspired by, and that Fill you with hope For a possibility And that align with this future that you’re trying to create.
And then decide. And decide to move forward towards that future. And have your back by making it safe every step of the way.
So that is step three.
Step three is to Commit to supporting yourself In your decision.
Knowing that other people might disagree with your decision. Resistance might come up. Challenges might present themself. and that’s all part of it, and doesn’t mean that you’ve done anything wrong.
Making a decision to become a different version of yourself is stepping out of your comfort zone. So of course, things are gonna happen that were unexpected, that are new, that are unfamiliar. And You can commit to be there for yourself with kindness, compassion Grace all the way along. Having your own back means staying committed to the decision about being your own best friend through the process.
And holding space for yourself to navigate this unfamiliar reality.
Always Meeting yourself with Love and compassion every step of the way.
Just as you would a friend, who’s going through something.
You would listen to them as they share their challenges. You’d hold space for them. And then you’d tell them you’re doing great. I know that you can do this.
It’s going to be so worth it. Just stay the course. You’re doing awesome. That’s what it is to have your own back.
So let’s recap. The steps for Making a quality decision. Step 1 is to make it from your future version of yourself.
Deciding as if you are already that person.
And then step two is to list out all of the reasons why you might choose option a or option B and pick the choice That you love all the reasons for that feels inspiring and exciting. And then step three is to have yyour back through every step of the process.
And then a bonus thing you can do to get more comfortable making quality decisions is to practice making small decisions right away.
In examples, like I shared at the beginning, like deciding what restaurant to go to what to have for dinner, what to do on the weekend, what shirt to wear, practice, making quick confident decisions. And having your back. So if you’re going out for dinner with a friend and you really do have a preference about where to go, voice that and then be willing to have her voice a different opinion and have your back as you navigate the conversation
Making small quality decisions every day provides evidence for your brain that you can do this, and
helps you to build your sense of confidence and safety, that you can make bigger quality decisions.
Ok – so I hope you found that tool helpful. I’d love to hear how you used it in your life so feel free to get in touch with me and share how it worked for you.
And if you need help making a quality decision about your next best step with your relationship with your body – book a free call with me and we’ll work through the process together. That’s exactly what I do on my consultation calls – I help there’s no pressure or coercion, I don’t try to convince you to buy coaching – I ask questions to help you figure out your next best move. So if you’re in that place book a call by clicking the link in the show notes.
I look forward to meeting you, and I will see you on the next episode.
- Respecting Your Body: A Practical Approach to Better Body Image
- The Straight Goods on GLP-1 Agonists: A Comprehensive Overview of Weight Loss Injections with Dr. Michelle Tubman
- 7 Surprisingly Powerful Ways to Improve Exercise Motivation
- Understanding Insulin Resistance in Perimenopause: Improve Health with Hormone Honoring Habits
- Befriend Yourself: Embracing Body Love and Healing with Marla Mervis Hartmann
